...and I have to be up in 5.5 hours to take my husband to work because I need the car tomorrow so I can go to my counseling appointment. I can't stand sharing one car some days. Most days it doesn't bother me but some days it does. But it's my own fault. I forgot to write down his schedule in my phone. So when I made my appointment last week (and I was at the counselors office and nowhere near my kitchen where his schedule hangs) I got my days mixed up (as usual) and so here we are. I'll be dragging all 4 kids out to drop him off and then come back home and pray the little girls go back to sleep. Allison is sick and has already woken up once since 6 pm crying.
This past weekend was rough. I double booked appointments because I didn't accurately account for time needed for the first one, forgot an important event, disappointed my kids because I told them we would go to Chuck E. Cheese and then pushed it off to next weekend because I forgot about something else we committed to. Ugh. FRUSTRATING! My house was an utter disaster from the week and weekend and at least my kitchen is half put back together. It took me 1.5 hours today (breaks included) to clean it up to my standards (not my husbands!) and him and the kids about 10 mins to thrash it.
I'm a perfectionist. If I had MY way, our house would look like a model home 24/7. K, on the other hand, likes it "lived in". Translation? A cluttered mess. He has a very high tolerance for mess. He left a milkshake cup on his nightstand one day and I decided to leave it there and see how long it took for him to be as annoyed as I was. A week later, I caved. Who knows how long it would have sat there. I'm always cleaning because he and the kids are always making a mess! And every time I attempt to delegate two things always happen: 1. They don't do it the way I like it. I am particular about a lot of stuff and a bit (ok, a lot!) of a control freak and 2. They take too long to do it. I've admitted that I'm impatient. I haven't found a way to fix that yet so I just end up doing everything. BUT I realize I am setting my kids up for failure and not teaching them responsibility and accountability. So I give them tasks now. They put their own clothes away(most of the time). Adri sets and clears the table. Luke feeds and waters the dog. Stuff like that. I try to give them tasks that I'm a little less particular about. I've never denied my perfectionist side. But it sure drives me (and everyone else in this house apparently) crazy. Because it causes breakdowns for me. Every few weeks, when the house has totally fallen apart, I just lose it and start crying. Because I'm completely overwhelmed and it seems like it's too much to handle. I feel like I never get any time to myself because I'm always cleaning and as soon as I get one room cleaned, and move on to another the kids and K destroy the one I just cleaned. But you wouldn't guess that I love to organize or that I'm a perfectionist by the usual state of my house. Because I have 4 kids, a dog and a man-child. Because I'm scatterbrained and disorganized by nature and can't do it all in one day (though I often try!). I can't even use slang while texting or online. No "b4" for me or "How R U?". It drives me INSANE. The typos. Ugh. I find typos in newspaper articles and books. Then it bugs me and I want to fix it. But I can't. Argh. My husband calls me the grammar nazi. Sheesh, what a nickname, huh? I'm not THAT bad. I just get on his case about saying things like "I'm not gonna drink no more soda" and when he uses words in the wrong context. I do this because our kids emulate is and bad grammar is not a habit I want them to pick up.
I'm suddenly really tired. I'm not sure why but I'm going to take advantage of it and get some sleep. I read some great articles and blogs this weekend about tips to organize and stay focused for adults with ADHD. I'm hoping to implement some this week. I also started using my "home routines" app for the iphone/ipad again this week. It's amazingly useful for me, when I remember to check it. Haha.
I also need to call back a local psychiatrist practice tomorrow and see about meds and if I can take any right now or if I need to wait until I wean M. Breastfeeding her until at least 18 months is very important to me and if it means I cope without meds for the next 10 months, than so be it. A saying I've seen a lot this past weekend in my research is "Pills don't build skills" and that is absolutely correct.
G'nite.
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